Caller IDs
by groundedreamer
Summary: A short one-shot on the weird names people decide to give each other in their contact lists, especially Zero and Kaname! Kinda cracky, but not so much. :D K/Z Z/K Read and Review Please!


Haha I totally forgot to mention this, but warning: Kaname and Zero are OOC in this since it's just random silliness.

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><p>It was a bright, sunny afternoon and all three residents of Kuran manor could be found perusing separate activities inside. Kaname was sitting on a couch in his living room with his legs stretched out in front of him, one foot shaking absentmindedly. He clutched a notepad in one hand and was scribbling away, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Occasionally, he would put down his pen and look at the notepad critically, but would shake his head and scribble even more furiously.<p>

Parallel to him on the loveseat lay Zero. His head was propped up on the loveseat's arm and had a book resting on his chest. He turned the pages periodically with a small frown on his face. The cover of the book read _50 Behaviors of Your Significant Other That You Should Notice and Note_. Zero occasionally snorted to himself as he came across, what he regarded, as insignificant behavior. Nevertheless, the book had roused his curiosity while he was passing it in the library and he found he couldn't pass the opportunity of reading it more in depth.

Yuki, meanwhile, was occupied in the kitchen making, what the boys hoped, an edible lunch. She hummed to herself clumsily as she wandered around the enormous kitchen looking for suitable ingredients. It was her turn to make lunch that day and she wondered, perhaps a bit righteously, why they even bothered to let her try. Zero was the chef extraordinaire, not her. But try as she might, Kaname simply wouldn't let her back out. Thus, they were all forced to choke down her concoctions twice a week.  
>In the living room, Zero had suddenly put down his book. He pushed himself up with one hand and looked at Kaname.<p>

"Hey Kaname, can I see your phone?" he asked. Kaname paused for a moment and looked up at him.

"Why?" he asked, taken slightly surprised; Zero had never asked for his phone before.

"I just need it." Kaname shrugged and pulled it out of his pocket.

"Here." He threw it toward Zero without looking and returned to his letter. Zero caught it adroitly and flipped it open, looking at it intently.

"Hey," he said a few moments later, "I'm not here."

"Hmmm..?" Kaname looked up distractedly and pushed his reading glasses back up his nose. "You are, I remember entering your number in there."

"I'm not here," Zero said again. He clicked the up and down arrows, quickly scanning Kaname's contact list again. "I don't see-wait... Who is this?" Zero paused and narrowed his eyes and began to read the name out loud. "My sexy-"

Kaname's head jerked up in horror and his pen and notepad clattered to the floor as he launched himself at Zero with a loud shout. Startled by Kaname's sudden outburst, Zero scrambled to a sitting position, but instinctively held the phone out of Kaname's reach. Zero stared at him incredulously. His face plainly said that this was most definitely a behavior he should have noticed and noted. Zero pushed Kaname away with one hand as he continued reading, ignoring Kaname scrabbling at his hands to get the phone.

Meanwhile, Yuki had come running out of the kitchen at the sound of Kaname's voice, but now stood relaxed against the door frame as she observed the two young men.

"My sexy-ass vampire hunter." Zero stared at the words for 5 full seconds before bursting out into raucous laughter. "Is that supposed to be me?" he asked a red-faced Kaname. Kaname said nothing, but snatched back his phone with such vehemence that he scratched Zero's palm.

"That's what you wish you-" Kaname started, but was interrupted be Yuki's quiet giggle. He glared at her furiously too, but she held her hands up to defend herself.

"It's not as bad as Zero's phone," she said, giggling more. Kaname turned to look at Zero disbelievingly, but that look quickly turned into a malicious smile that spoke only one word: revenge.

"Zero give me your phone," Kaname said sweetly. Zero's eyes widened. "No-no," he stammered. "I don't have it on me." His lie might have worked except that Kaname caught Zero's hand involuntarily twitch toward his pocket.

Zero stared at him, frightened, for a moment before trying to vault over the back of the sofa. Kaname quickly followed him and caught him around the waist. Zero squirmed in his grip and tried to stomp on Kaname's feet. He knew he succeeded when he felt Kaname's toes flatten underneath his foot. Kaname gasped in pain, but didn't loosen his grip. Instead he began to tickle Zero's sides.  
>Zero started laughing helplessly and found that the muscles in his arms felt like rubber. Unable to push Kaname away, Zero began to plead with him.<p>

"Come-on-Kaname-let-me-go!" Kaname just grinned and wrapped one arm around Zero's waist tightly, holding Zero to him. "Yuki!" Zero cried, trying to appeal for her help, but Yuki shook her head, grinning, and disappeared into the kitchen. She had successfully distracted Kaname and Zero from lunch and hopefully she had found something that would keep them occupied for the afternoon. Smiling to herself, she took out the car keys from her pocket and twirled them around her finger as she walked through the back door. Maybe she would go visit Yori...

Zero stared at the kitchen doorway in disbelief. How could Yuki abandon him like this? Kaname's grin widened and he plunged his hand into Zero's pocket, fishing out Zero's shiny black phone. He slid it open with one hand to unlock it and began searching through the contacts. Zero, still trapped in Kaname's iron grip, suddenly jabbed Kaname in the stomach with his elbow. Kaname gasped and lost his hold on Zero for a moment. Zero took the opportunity and lunged at Kaname's hand, but missed because Kaname moved away from him in a sudden burst of vampiric speed. Kaname looked at Zero from across the room and held the phone up for him to see. He looked down at it and started to laugh.

"Is there really a need to put _that_ many hearts next to my name?" he asked, trying to hide his pleased smile. Zero appeared next to him and started pulling the phone out of Kaname's hand.

"There," he said, scowling, "now you've seen. I want my phone back." Kaname's grip tightened, however, and he pulled it back towards him.

"Wait," he said , "is that a picture of me?" Zero's hand clutched the phone tighter and he tried to pull it away.

"What? No." Kaname tried to peer closer, but Zero put his other hand over the screen, blocking Kaname's view.

"It is!" Kaname exclaimed. "Why the hell do you have a picture of me shirtless?" Kaname exclaimed incredulously. He shook his head. "No, _how_ did you get a picture of me shirtless?" Zero glanced away uneasily, still trying tug the phone out of Kaname's grasp.

"I don't know," he said. "It just showed up..."

Kaname gaped. "It just showed up?" he repeated. "It did not! You're lying! Where did you really get it?" Kaname put his hands to Zero's sides threateningly and raised his eyebrows. His meaning was clear. Zero could either get tickled nonstop for the next 20 minutes or he could confess. Zero shrugged and decided to throw his partner in crime under the bus.

"Aido," he said nonchalantly.

Kaname's eyes widened. "How did he get a picture of me shirtless?" Zero shrugged and pulled the phone out of Kaname's now slack grasp. He peered closer at it and said, "Actually, it looks photo-shopped. There's no way your abs are that nice."

Kaname's look of confusion turned to outrage. "What?" he exclaimed. "My abs are stunning!" Zero, who was typing something on his phone, snorted in disbelief. "Could have fooled me," he said. Kaname's eyebrows pulled together and he reached up for his collar.

"They are!" he insisted. "Look!" Kaname started unbuttoning his shirt. Zero glanced up at the sound of his voice and felt his eyes widen. He suddenly threw his phone on the couch and grabbed Kaname by wrist.

"I'll be the judge of that," he said, smiling and pulling him closer. Kaname smiled back and undid the last button.

"As you wish," he said. "And while you do that, I'll take a look at _yours_." He moved his hands to the hem of Zero's shirt and began to pull it up. Zero grinned and leaned in.

Zero's phone lay forgotten on the couch, its last message unfinished: _"Aido u jerk! Ur so going to-"_

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><p>AN: I have no clue how this came to be...oh wait no...I do_! :D_ I was procrastinating writing The Things I Never Told You and all of a sudden this popped into my head, so I decided to do this instead of TINTY! :D Anyway, that's coming along too! I'm just stuck in one place, but once I get past that I'll post the chapter as soon as I can! Hope you guys enjoyed this though! If you did, tell me!


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